Erection? Don't leave home without it....

In the course of caring for my autistic son, I lost a career in hospital administration, lost friendships, lost my husband. I have to say in all fairness, we were having problems before our son was diagnosed, but Jacobs demand's on my time put the final nail in the coffin. I don't think he's ever forgiven me for giving him an imperfect son. When I informed him of Jake's diagnosis, his very first response was, "What did you do?" He was irritated that the CVS (Corianic Villi Sampling) test at four months wasn't able to identify the autism early enough to abort. I admit I would have seriously considered abortion if the test had shown autism. But I remember I could already feel him moving, so I hope I would not have made the choice to abort the blue eyed boy who is the greatest joy of my life today.

Much is being made today about the mercury in innoculations being the cause of the dramatic rise in autism. I hope the mercury is the cause so I'll know it wasn't something I did that harmed him en utero, and I pray to God the mercury isn't the cause becasue then it means I held him down for the shots that robbed him of speech for so long and still rob him of normalcy today.

I realize I can't be blamed intellectually for following medical practices, but it doesn't free me emotionally. How could it? If it turns out to be the mercury, then I just have to live with it, like all the other parents. It's like being the driver of a car that gets hit by a truck and leaves your child disabled. Of course you're not to blame, but the guilt won't leave.

So how can he be a joy to me? This kid who has chipped my teeth by throwing his head back into my face and even broke off one tooth entirely?

Well, autistic children are forever innocent. They see the world without prejudice, without assumptions, without malice. They get into situations that can make you can laugh or cry, so you might as well laugh.

One day Jake and I were grocery shopping. He was about ten. I was choosing coffee and he was a little further down choosing which hot chocolate with mini-marshmellows he was willing to try. Suddenly a woman brushed past me and shot me a look. The look was one I have become very familiar with, it said, "Is that your son? Do you know what he's doing?"

Turning to face Jake, I saw that he was standing in the aisle with his sweat pants and briefs fully extended at the waist band. He was staring down into his pants totally fascinated with something.....

"Mom, look at this," He said in his characteristic monotone.

Fearing the worst, but being a dutiful mother, I peered in...... he had an erection. Then he said, "Watch this." And he made it bounce....

"That's very nice Jake," I said, "but you know ... that's kind of a private activity for a boy. It's okay to play with your peety in private, but not in a store. Okay?"

Being ever obediant he responded, "Okay Mom. But you don't understand because you don't have a peety, all you have is a fluffy and it doesn't do any tricks...."

I laughed so hard, I thought my pants would never dry....if he only knew the all tricks this fluffy has done!

So, there you have it folks, my existentialist angst has been solved ... I don't have a peety, I just have a fluffy and it doesn't do any tricks. The mystery of life has been solved, even in the autistic world, it all comes down to peety's and fluffy's... and just for the record, Fluffy's Rule!